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It’s okay not to be okay.

Published on - 4 min read

I had everything. I rented out the nicest, spacious studio with a terrace that has an infinity pool and a gym! My work environment was amazing, received the latest MacBook Pro with the touch ID, free lunch 2 days a week, and free snacks everyday!

Place where I stayed in KL

Everything looked awesome, everything looked set, everything looked comfortable.

or so it seemed…

I had the biggest house with the nicest amenities, and the sickest work-welcome, but the truth is,

I have never felt so lonely in my life like this.

I felt loneliness before, but this was something else. I used to be the happiest guy, with loads of energy to make the next big thing, to make the big impact! I had strong goals, passions and dedication. Every morning I would wake up to a plan, a routine that would set my days. I always kept myself preoccupied and busy with tasks I’d like to accomplish. I used to always be on the go.

fast forward >>

Yesterday I burnt rice, I saw a flying cockroach in my kitchen, saw a dead kitten on the streets, I’ve been sleeping for 3 hours a night, living in fear, no routine, I just stay in bed all day, I don’t feel the same energy I had looking at life, I feel heavy sorrow. I feel empty inside. I feel no purpose. I want to go back home. I have no one.

I have been crying a lot inside. I feel alone.

Suddenly all of the things that meant so little, now means so much.

Family, friends, education, lifestyle, everything.

First thing that catches my attention at work …

I’ve been praying a lot on-time lately; asking for guidance and help. I’ve been attending the mosque everyday after work and I feel at peace in my heart. I’ve been taking things slow; back to baby steps.

It’s okay not to be okay

I told myself. It’s okay to take some time to yourself and let your mind rest. It’s really okay. I’ve been doing a lot of searching and found multiple ways to cope with myself when I felt hopeless. Here is my list:

  1. Let yourself breathe

You need to give yourself time and space to just breathe. I know how hard it can be when you can’t stop and just want to do something, but at this moment in your life, give yourself a break. You deserve it.

  1. Write down everything you’re grateful for

I didn’t believe this one at first but it did a number on me. For every time I felt hopeless and sad, I would take out my iPhone and start writing everything I’m grateful for. It can be anything, here are some examples:

I am grateful for:

  • having a roof over my head

  • having the ability to taste, hear, see, feel

  • having a bed to sleep in, etc.

  1. ***Meetup.com***

Oh yes, never thought I’d be doing this at all but I gave it a try. It’s simple as making a profile, choosing your preferences and then going to a meetup. One thing that comforts me is that there are other people on the same boat as you looking for human interaction.

  1. Go outside, explore.

Yes we’re in a completely different environment, and yes it can be super hard to adjust to a new environment; take all that weight and step outside. Just walk and breathe in and out. Talk to your local convenience store, grocery store employees. If you don’t speak their language, keep exploring, you’re bound to find someone who can speak your language (if not, make learning a new language a hobby).

5. Do NOT create a todo list

Only for the first 2 weeks. From someone who comes from going through life by setting small goals, I decided not to write todo lists for my upcoming days. This really helped as I set no expectations so I had no regrets doing whatever I wanted to do on the daily. Once you’re comfortable and settled, by all means, write out your small goals and chase them!

6. Focus on your inner self more

Whether this is meditating, going for a morning run, or praying and practicing your religion. Whatever it is, focus on that. Tap into it. This is the time for reflection and growth. Understand yourself and know yourself. What is it that you deeply love, want, care about?

Finally,

  1. Make your place, your home

Wherever you live, whoever you’re living with, sometimes the best thing to do is making your place like yours. Clean your bed, do the laundries, learn how to cook (in my case), clean the entire apartment. These little things can make a huge difference in your overall lifestyle. Make your home so that when you’re out, you cannot wait to go back home.

My mom and dad told me to never fear anything, to keep going and with that, I will keep going.

Batu Caves (light at the tip of the cave)

Thank you for making it here, stay tuned to the blog posts (mine and all the other fellows), got a massive journey ahead!

On another note feel free to follow me on insta as I post on my story quite often: @nayem_wizdom ✌️

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Originally posted on Medium a part of the Cansbridge Fellowship